I am writing you from a place called Canada. You may have heard of our quaint little country. It is directly north of your proud homeland. Perhaps you have sampled some of our wares such as maple syrup, Neil Young, or beer with flavour (or flavor).
During the winter months, it is very cold in Canada and it snows a great deal. We Canadians like to spend a lot of time indoors. We have discovered many enjoyable diversions to help us wile away the hours on chilly, blustery evenings. Many Canadians like to knit or to shovel the snow in creative ways. Some enjoy card games such as euchre. Since healthcare is free we make frequent visits to the doctor.
A few Canadians have also developed a fondness for television. One of our most popular shows is something you may have heard of called "Hockey Night in Canada." When this little show got started 55 years ago, few thought it would last. After all, who would want to watch hockey on television, much less on a Saturday night! As an American I suspect you will be surprised and even amused to to learn that Hockey Night in Canada, especially the Saturday night broadcasts, has developed quite a little following up here. We Canadians are, after all, a simple folk and clearly entertained by simple things. Many of us even make it a point to keep our Saturday evening's free so we can watch a game. While Canadians will watch hockey involving teams of any age, sex & skill level, we can be a rather parochial lot, and tend to favour (favor) games involving teams based in this country.
Hockey has become so popular up here that the Canadian Broadcasting Network, the company that broadcasts Hockey Night in Canada, recently agreed to pay the NHL $600 million over the next 6 years so it can continue to treat us simple Canadians to televised hockey games. Perhaps this agreement was handled by your underlings and not brought to your attention. I appreciate that this is a trivial amount to a person of your position & importance. I have read about some of the wondrous pro bono arrangements you have struck with some uber-important American broadcasters. It must be very gratifying to lend your talents to charitable causes like NBC.
We Canadians have recently been informed that you have opted not to schedule the upcoming game between the Ottawa Senators & Pittsburgh Penguins on Saturday night. Instead this game will be shown at 3 p.m., noon in Western Canada. This is most unfortunate. I am certain that had you known about the "Hockey Night in Canada" tradition up here you would not have made such an absurd, foolish, harebrained, imbecilic, insane, lunatic, mad, moronic, nonsensical, preposterous, silly, softheaded, tomfool, unearthly, zany, cockeyed, crazy, loony, loopy, balmy, dippy, dopey, jerky, sappy, wacky, ridiculous, &#*!@!# idiotic decision.
I hope this letter will help you make a wiser choice next time.
Sincerely,
Your pals at HockeyDirt.com