Lace 'em up: 10 Rules for Pick-Up Hockey Players

Just like the big boys in the NHL, adult hockey players are preparing to lace up for the 2006-07 recreational season. Most pick-up hockey groups are relatively stable.  The same 15 to 20 guys roll into the rink in September, exchange a few pleasantries about the family and the job, then quickly move on to hockey trash talk and debates about which NHL team has made the most astute off-season moves.  (At this point all the Leafs fans will speak with certainty about Toronto's prospects, only wavering over the length and precise route of the inevitable Stanley Cup parade.) 

In the middle of it all will be a small number of new guys invited to join the game. Some of these rookies arrive at the rink already knowing how to fit in.  Unfortunately there are always one or two newbies who just don't get it. 

The "rules" and etiquette of adult pick-up hockey are subtle, usually unspoken and until now not written down.  As a service to our readers, HockeyDirt is pleased to present 10 tips for anyone joining a new pick-up hockey group.  If you are joining a group of "veterans" and want to avoid being the butt of locker-room jokes, or worse yet, being un-invited, here are a few simple pointers.

1)  Pass the puck.  You might be the best player on the ice.  You might be able to stick-handle through the other team at will and score, but nobody likes a puck-hog. Give it up – think or yourself as the next Gretzky, not the next Ovechkin.

2)  (a)  Don’t kill the goalie:  The Warmup.  No goalie ever asks to have his head warmed up.  Nor do they need to work out kinks in their neck or collarbone.  There is no need to shoot the puck above the goalie’s belly button.  If you want to wire a few high hard ones, or test out your new composite stick, do it against the glass.  Injuring the goalie during warmup is a big no-no.

2)  (b)  Don’t kill the goalie:  The Game.  When the goalie puts his glove or pad on the puck stop hacking & poking.  Assume the play is dead & skate away.  If you are driving the net and have to choose between Bertuzzi'ing the goalie (and scoring) and going around the net (and not scoring), opt for the latter.

3)  Don’t kill anybody else.  If you get the puck at the point, resist the temptation to shoot for the top corner.  Ripping a shot past the ears of the guys standing in front of the net won’t win you any friends. 

4)  Pay the man.  Some shmuck got suckered into being the guy who collects the money needed to pay for the ice – you need this guy more than he needs you.  Don’t make him chase you down for money.

5)  Get off the ice.  If you are tired, get off ice.  If you are resting your stick on your knees & sucking for air, get off the ice.  If you’ve been on the ice for more than 2 minutes, get off the ice.  If your linemates head for the bench, get off the ice.  When in doubt, get off the ice.

6)  Keep it clean.  Assume the NHL rules apply to you – stop hooking, holding and water-skiing.  If you trip somebody, apologize. If somebody trips, hooks or holds you, assume it was an accident.

7)  Air out your equipment.  When you were 13 it was cool to bring tears to your teammates’ eyes just by opening your bag.  That time has passed.  Keep it clean.

8)  Don't whine about the teams.  The same shmuck who collects the money attempts to create balanced teams from a wildly unbalanced talent pool.  If the odd game is a little one-sided just shut-up and play harder.  Consider it an opportunity to work on your defensive play.

9)  Give up your dream.  You are not going to the show.  You will not be discovered by an NHL scout while playing pick-up hockey at 10 pm on a Tuesday night.  Play hard but remember that Janet Gretzky is not waiting at home for you & everybody has to go to work the next morning.

10)  Be like Mike (Bossy).  Despite being a deadly, highlight-reel goal-scorer, Mike Bossy was always humble.  Any time he scored, which was very often, he deflected attention away from himself by crediting his teammates with great plays and great passes.  Be like Mike - if you score, no matter how beautiful you think the goal is, resist the temptation to blow an Ovechkin kiss to the (non-existant) crowd or give a Jagr salute to your (non-existant) fans.  Skate over to the guy who passed you the puck, tap his glove, and get on with it. 

Follow these simple rules and you will fit in right away.  You will be invited back, the puck will be passed to you and you'll be invited out for a post-game beer.  Follow these rules and you will be you will be accepted as one of the gang, even if you are a Leaf fan. 

Comments

[Piglet]

Great article!!

I really like the part about not killing the goalie (maybe I'm a little bias) I think all these rules make great sense, and really should common sense but so often they aren't. I run a team in a non-contact beer league, and even though we do have 2 ref's and a score keeper at our skill level it's just glorified shinny.....you think that guy that thinks he's the next great thing is bad in shinny you should see him when there are matching jersey's and a couple of Ref's!!!

[Michel Dion]

I couldn't have said it better myself! This is Michel Dion, former AllStar NHL Pittsburgh Penquin Goalie.

I have been in the NHL for 12 years and believe me, at the age of 52 now, I was a hurting turkey! Ouch, Ouch!

Something that you forgot to mention my friends, is it takes GOOD NUTRITION and Exercise to keep the body in the best shape.

After years of suffering, I found a Secret! A Life Changing SECRET!

I would like to share it with the world, scream it from the top of my lungs.

If you want to know what I am speaking of, email me at: michelsmiraclegoji@yahoo.com and I will personally get back to you. If you leave me your phone number, you can expect a call from myself or my agent!

PS: For all of my fans out there, thank you so much for being there for me, I thank you to this day for all of your cards and letters of encouragement. I love you all.

Sincerely

Michel Dion

[G. McTaggart]

Tremendous advice. If you're considering additional rules, you may want to include:

#11 - Be kind to the Zamboni driver: Games are often early in the morning or late at night. A few extra dollars here and there will ensure your rink attendant is there for you when you need them most. He might even give you a little extra ice time.

#12 - Don't steal the pucks after the game: If you didn't bring pucks to the game, don't leave with pucks. Return those vulcanized treasures to their rightful owners.

#13 - Squirt, don't suck: No lips on the water bottles, please. Kooties, germs or transmitted diseases...call 'em what you may, but nobody on the bench wants them.

[Doogie2K]

It also bears pointing out, especially to those who still haven't "given up the dream," there's no sense in killing anyone else out there, either. Play hard, sure, but catching guys with their head down? Not cool, if you can avoid it. Also, the likelihood of anyone doing anything worth dropping the gloves over is pretty much nil. Keep it cool, and just have fun.

[Sean H.]

God bless you. Terrific set of rules and I wouldn't argue with a one of 'em. These should be posted around every hockey rink in America.

Then again the ones who would break these rules are also the ones who probably are in too much of a hurry to put on their gear for a 12 minute shift. Nonetheless, terrific list. Thanks!

[Hockey Hack]

Here are my top 10 rules:

1) Hog the puck. To hell with that little bald bastard. Even if you’re not Gretzky, and lost the puck at the blue line during a shoot out.
2) Kill The goalie!
a. Those idiots wear all that expensive equipment, and hack the crap out of your ankles when you’re near the crease. Not to mention that it’s very important to warm up your shot before the game.
b. Why would he cover the Puck – we only have an hour, keep it moving!
3) Kill anyone who’s in the way of your shot. Everyone knows you’re only supposed to block shots in the playoffs or in tournaments.
4) Pay the man – ok I agree with that one, but not because he’s a poor schmuck, but because he usually also brings the beer
5) Stay on the ice, let’s face it, it’s the only exercise most of us slobs get, so make the most of it – you know who you are!!!
6) Keep your head up, especially if you’re whining about not being passed to….
7) Air out your equipment – unless you are on a hot streak, in which case, wash nothing! – in fact you should even wear the same underwear
8) Let the poor schmuck know if the teams are unfair
9) Don’t give up your dream, I’ll give you 10-1 odds that Janet might be waiting – ok 20-1 (just ask Rick Tocchet)
10) Mike bossy was a wimp – be like Tiger Williams of Mike Foligno after you score – it will really piss off that little bastard who was whining about not being passed to….

[murph]

wow. awesome article...and THEN you go and drop Mike Bossy's name into it. WOW! Bossy Rules!

your the best!

[Jason]

As one of the NEWBIES out there it helps when those more skilled give simple advice. As a Newbie if they are yealing at you in hopes to make you better or other leave it on the ICE most likely when you get to the locker room someone kindly should help you out on what went wrong. The rules where good.

[Laker]

Great article. I am so frustrated playing with guys who I swear, think they are just one goal away from getting the call to come up to the big leagues.

I try to have my stick NEVER touch another player, ever, PERIOD.

The other one that gets me is the warmup. You aren't trying to score, you are warming up the goalie. First shot aim for the goalies pads, don't make him move too much. Second shots work his gloves, catcher/block. Third shots start making him/her move around a bit. No slapshots in warmup. If you want to take slapshots in the warmup go pick a target on teh boards and shoot away.

Anyways, liked the article.

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