The phone rings at the home of LA Kings player Sean Avery ...
Avery: Hello
Rosenhaus: Sean Avery?
Avery: Speaking
Rosenhaus: Drew Rosenhaus here, you’ve probably heard of me, I was in Jerry McGuire. I intend to be your new agent.
Avery: Huh? New agent? Look buddy, I've got an agent, is this some kind of prank call?
Rosenhaus: No Mr. Avery, you don't have an agent. You've got some jerk sucking your blood and leaving you naked in the middle of the freeway. You need somebody me, somebody who'll be 100% behind you no matter what kinda crap you get into. You'll be dumping that bum when we finish this call. You need me and I need 5 minutes to make you understand this.
Avery: Hey... I know you. You’re the guy who handles Terrell Owens? I hear he’s never gonna play another football game. He’s been suspended right?
Rosenhaus: Next question!
Avery: Uh, why are you callin’ me?
Rosenhaus: Ok. Now listen carefully; I’ll speak slowly.
Avery: Huh?
Rosenhaus: You were forced to apologize for something you said about French Canadians, right?
Avery: Uh, ya…
Rosenhaus: WRONG! That was a mistake, a big mistake. Look, here's the deal. The way I see it you were defending a helpless teammate, right? Come on! Roenick’s been hit in the head, like, 20 times! He can’t defend himself; he’s got whaddayacallit, “diminished capacity” for frick’s sake. He needs you to speak for him! You know the code, you gotta stick up for the guy, he's helpless.
Avery: Uh, gee, I dunno if JRo would like me sayin’ that about him. And wasn’t it the stuff T.O. said about McNabb that got him in trouble to begin with?
Rosenhaus: Next question! Look, this is not about T.O., this is all about you! I am here for you Sean, only you baby. Ok, here’s another angle on that French thing. You were just being a good American! You were putting down the French! Damn, that’s way more popular than hockey where I come from. Nobody cares if you stick it to those Frenchies, heck, you can dump on those Euros all you want I and all I gotta do is wrap you in the flag. You'll be more popular than George Bush when I'm done with you.
Avery: Huh?
Rosenhaus: Ok, now what about this thing with George Laraque? From what I read you blew that one too.
Avery: Huh? Well maybe sometimes I get a little excited in the games and say stuff I shouldn't...
Rosenhaus: Man, you just don’t get it. I’m gonna send you my book, its called “A Shark Never Sleeps” you’re gonna love it. Listen, Laraque is a goon right? Right! Attack him. Attack him relentlessly. Ruin him. I’ll put together a video of his fights. He’s the villain, he's the bad guy, not you!
Avery: Huh?
Rosenhaus: Now I hear you’re getting fined by the league for diving? What’s up with that!
Avery: Well, sometimes I like to help the refs a little…
Rosenhaus: WRONG! They’re taking food out of your kid’s mouth just because you do what it takes to win? Not with me baby, not with me.
Avery: They kinda got upset ‘cus I said some stuff about the league too. They fined me for that too.
Rosenhaus: WRONG! My guys don’t get fined. I make my own rules.
Avery: Huh? And I might be in a little trouble with the NHLPA, I kinda said some stuff about Trevor Linden and the collective bargaining agreeement...
Rosenhaus: Look, you are not the bad guy here. They can't be villifying you, I just won't accept it. Who cares if you said the guys running the league are clowns. They are, same as Tagliabue. Who cares if you hung Trevor Linden out to dry. This is America baby, you have the right to your opinion. You can't help it if they misinterpreted you. Its all the media's fault, they're out to get you. By the time I'm dome this Bettman guy he’ll look like Domi after McGratton finished with him.
Avery: Cool! Sounds great Drew. Whadda I gotta do?
Rosenhaus: Listen. First, we’re gonna threaten to renegotiate. We’ve gotta get you more dough, a big signing bonus, some endorsements. You use viagra?
Avery: But I already have a contract?
Rosenhaus: And your point is… Contract shmontract. Listen Sean, leave this with me. I am a shark, a killer, I'm the best. I am going to make you famous, a household name like Terrell Owens and Santana Moss - all my clients are famous. You will be dominant.
Avery: Cool! Just one more thing, um, like how much do I pay you for all this?
Rosenhaus: Next Question!







Is this true? I dont think Avery is that stupid of a guy! I happen to be a HUGE L.A kings fan and I think he is a fantastic player. The league just needs to leave the guy alone!
Posted by: Avery | October 09, 2006 at 05:07 PM
leave the guy alone?? are you daft? Avery is quite possibly the dumbest player in the league.. hell maybe even in professional sports.. and that's saying a lot if you consider who plays in the NFL and NBA.. this call sounds bogus to me too, but that doesn't change the fact that Avery still can't get his shit right.. he's a plug, and a waste of good hockey tape.
Posted by: Greg | October 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
No I am not daft!! Yes Avery has made some stupid mistakes before but I think he can be credited as a good player! He is a fast skater and a good guy to have on your line. And let me tell you something he has balls too. Half of the NHL players ont have the nuts to stand up to anybody like he does. I dont know if you watch the Kings play, but he does a good job and you people just need to back off!!!!
Posted by: Avery | November 16, 2006 at 03:55 PM
Avery is a good... by bad a great player. He has assisted all of Frolov's recent goals and is a good player. This call is bullshit. PLAY HARD AVES!!!!!
Posted by: KingsFan101 | November 23, 2006 at 10:53 PM
What is this bullshit. Are you people all high??!! Sean Avery is an absolute disgrace to hockey! He is an idiot, and the only thing good about him is that he is dating Elisha Cuthburt! O yeah Avery, while you are on a road trip, I'll hit that for you!
Posted by: JIm | November 28, 2006 at 08:13 PM
Greg and Jim u 2 should get hang out and pretend u guys know the first thing that makes a good hockey player. Morons, Avery is a spark plug and that is exactly what every team needs to fire them up. U two should stick to senior leagues where no one is loud and everyone gets along. Take it easy u two, stay up-right on ur walkers and try not to break a hip.....thats right.....im calling u old cause you sound like a couple of old women.
Posted by: | January 20, 2007 at 03:49 AM
haha their probably gay and fat two. Greg and jim should be gay fat lovers and sit around and be sad, grumpy and gay together hahahaha losers. You two suck, Sean Avery rules!!!!
Posted by: | January 20, 2007 at 12:25 PM
What a shame Sean Avery was traded, he gave the Kings life. For many of you idiots out there who think he is idiotic, a coward a whimp whatever, you obviously dont know the first thing about Sean Avery. SO SHUT YOUR MOUTHS AND GO BACK TO PLAYING WUSSY GOLF!!!!!
Posted by: JIm | March 10, 2007 at 09:37 AM
I miss Avery! He was so good and deservs to make the playoffs with the rangers. Even though the kings havent made it this year, i will be rooting for the rangers!
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Posted by: gnorudh | October 27, 2007 at 12:51 PM
There has a been a lot of bad speculation concerning Sean Avery. He was involoved in the Jason Blake controversy, and yes Avery has a big mouth, but if you look past his comments you will see the good player he really is. Without Avery last season the Rangers wouldn't have made the playoffs and that is a fact. I admire Avery, and always will
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